Distractions [#131224]

13/12/24

I did not want to get out of bed this morning, it was so very comfortable and warm and I felt blissful cocooned amongst the beige sea sheets. I hit snooze a couple of times. When I hit snooze I don't tend to go back to sleep, I use it to think a little bit and also I try to recognise the negative voice in my head, the one that wants me to take the easy route, eg. go back to bed and forget about it all, and I try to convince myself that the negative voice in my head also one that wants me to take the easy route, and I try to convince myself that the voice in my head often doesn't have my best interests at heart.

The idea that my own internal voice is not looking out for me is a bit of a shitter, to be honest. Growing up I thought I could trust my own head. Turns out, my head is the place I should be most suspicious of these days. I can go to bars with friends if my motives are sound and know that it's not going to be a problem, but the place that I never leave - my own mind - can be a really dangerous thing to indulge in. It cycles about itself and the world and convinces me of things, but quickly and that I never leave - my own mind - can be a really dangerous thing to indulge in. It cycles about itself and the world and convinces me of things about myself and the world that aren't true. I must treat it with the utmost respect, knowing if I let it squarely in front of me at all times, I know if I let it slip round the back it'll happily strangle me and ruin my day.

Keeping an eye on one's own mind is not a new concept. It's always been a fringe idea, though, as life itself is distracting enough and now we've all got these little, glowing boxes in our pockets it's become even trickier to think. It feels like becoming a monk are TOO MANY DISTRACTIONS. Simplicity apparently is key.

In a weird way, I feel like becoming a monk and absolving myself of all the real (imaginary) problems of the world is the easy way out. Surely learning to navigate getting out of bed, collaborating with idiots, surviving the Christmas shopping queues are all valid ways to practice being a better human being. There's something about running off to the hills that strikes me as a bit selfish. I'd like to reach enlightenment and lead a normal life too. Perhaps it's selfish of me to want the best of both worlds.