Flowers [#111224]

11/12/24

I'm a bit naive sometimes. I assume the best of people. I find it odd, especially as some people really are not nice. I don't encounter many. I'd still rather assume the best of everyone and get stung once in a blue moon than avoid dancing near the Blowers because of the bees.

I'm on this spiritual journey, as we all are, and I thought that the more I grew or progressed, the more I'd be blissfully peaceful at all times, sat cross-legged on the floor. It is more appropriate and learning to stand up for myself when it is appropriate and right to do so, which is most unexpected but rather cool, I guess.

The flowers have all but gone for now, though, as winter rolls in. I've got a few plants in my studio, I like the green they bring. I'm sure they'll do wonders for the air, too. I'm still worried they'll die, but not that I'll kill them. If they perish, it will be a sad day but I'll know in my heart that there was no malice involved.

Things are going good in the studio. I'm settling in nicely. Few paintings going well. Feel like my language is developing. Still got aims to be better, technically speaking, but it'll come in time. I'm much better than I was even at the beginning of this year, let alone three or four years ago when I started painting again. I'm aware that as with anything like this, there are diminishing returns the longer you do it. But still, I'll see the improvements if no one else does. And that's all that matters.

Lots of things are changing for me professionally at the moment, but it's because I want them to, so even if I often feel a bit out of my depth that is the best place for me to be. I still worry a lot about what people think of me on my journey, like 'who does he think he is following his dreams?', but in reality I'm probably not so quite important to warrant such attention. I guess the negativity will come when I make it big, but I am fully prepared not to read the comments, as sensible famous people often say. Solid advice that.