Leonardo [#241224]

24/12/24

Sunday was one of those days where everything seemed wrong. Whether it was me that was wrong or the universe is quite irrelevant. It was probably me. The universe must be guilty from time to time, though. I had a headache too. I don't normally take paracetamol, or anything for that matter, but as I was feeling sorry for myself I felt it necessary to remedy the pulsing in my skull with an effervescent pain relief tablet.

I watched impatiently as it dissolved; I felt as though it was intentionally dissolving more slowly than it should just to be awkward. I stirred it vigorously with a hefty metal spoon and eventually just chugged the mirky mixture despite the chunks, resilient and floating. It did work though, it made me feel less in pain so that is a good thing.

The rest of the afternoon was spent watching a documentary about Leonardo da Vinci with my eyes closed curled up on the couch in the fetal position. I suppose I listened to it really. I would peel open my eyes when it reached an interesting bit. The program both inspired and depressed me. What a man. Extra-ordinary superhuman genius surely sent from up there wherever up there is- to do great things. It depressed me because he hardly even painted. When I hardly even paint I am not figuring out the heavens or discovering how the valves in our heart work, no, I am scrolling on my phone or avoiding the thing I should be doing. I wonder if Leo did this at all. Part of me is envious of the simplicity of life back then, but I am also aware that death was a very simple reality, too.

Learning to navigate the wild sea of technological seas, dopamine surging and lapping at your legs, is very, very hard, so it seems. It doesn't appear that there is a quick fix, it requires a total and complete overhaul, a new way of life. There are times when I feel ready to make big changes and times when I don't. At least I am aware and trying to be better.